


Gift

by EIGOANSONI



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005), Brokeback Mountain (2005) RPF, Brokeback Mountain - All Media Types, Brokeback Mountain - Annie Proulx, Ennis Del Mar - Fandom, Jack Twist - Fandom
Genre: LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 23:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30079758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EIGOANSONI/pseuds/EIGOANSONI
Summary: 23-year-old Jack Twist & Ennis Del Mar last saw each other in 1963 after (almost) finishing a summer on Brokeback Mountain as for hire sheepherders.In the end, they left each other with an immense weight on both of their shoulders and many unspoken words.After establishing contact in 1967 and agreeing to connect in person, there are some moments during their reunion that should be told.***CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT***
Relationships: Ennis Del Mar/Jack Twist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. PULLED

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Heath L.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Heath+L.).



> Optional Playlist:
> 
> These songs have the vibes of their respective chapter. Can be played on repeat and at a low volume while you read.
> 
> [YouTube Playlist Link]
> 
> https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqfoiLKYyGP1J-fhtbn7p6QVM8SFH4xb9  
> 
> 
> **1\. Pulled  
>  (BOOTS FEAT. BEYONCÉ – DREAMS)**
> 
> 2\. Dragged  
> (THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS – DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE)
> 
> 3\. Diner  
> (THE YOUNG RASCALS - GROOVIN’)
> 
> 4\. Warmth  
> (JANET JACKSON - ROPE BURN)
> 
> 5\. Gift  
> (JANET JACKSON - ANYTHING)

# 1\. PULLED

**[SUMMER 1967 - ROADS OUTSIDE OF RIVERTON, WYOMING - EARLY EVENING]**

Jack was a mess but determined.

Barreling up the open road from Texas to Wyoming since 5 that morning.

A mass of anxiety in the lowest pit of his gut, coupled with an echoing hollowness, all topped off with a chill in him that didn't stem from any cold, sat in the passenger seat, constantly nagging him.

He thought that at this point during his hour-long drive, it would wear off, and he’d see his face light up, but all he felt was dread.

The dead & flat landscape wasn’t any kind of help—just an infinite reminder of his childhood.

(J) _"Feel like'm drivin' to a damn... funeral."_

He growled at himself catching his face in the side-view mirror. 

Four years wasn't much time to keep him from looking the same as he did when Ennis last saw him.

Still young-faced and smooth-skinned. Eyes the shallow brightness of blue under thick, dark, and unruly eyebrows. Hair of the deepest sheen of brunette, clean-cut appearance but with wavy curls that would have flirted with his eyelashes if he didn’t have his Resistol on. Very rarely did he have it off.

The only thing different about him was his weight, and even then, you’d have to be skin to skin with him to see it truly.

His body and spirit were built to work outside and stay in constant movement, but with his life taking the turn it has, he spent his professional time doing nothing but making sales pitches on a sales floor, so he added a few pounds to his haunch and thighs. Filling out his jeans snug-like, almost skintight.

Intimately, he gained weight in all the right places.

The sales floor was still his hunting ground, regardless. He knew he was desirable and knew how to wield the aura to his financial benefit. If you came to his showroom and were weak in the flesh, not many were in his field of work, but his charm surpassed sexual attraction, you’d be immediately distracted. His towering height allowing him to stare down on you, a bright smile, and an overly excited “Howdy” to pull you in with a thick but surprisingly gentle handshake, up close; you notice the pink hue radiating under his skin, his lips sitting over a sharp smile, every so often between your sentences his tongue sneakily glides over them and pulls his bottom lip in showing you he’s listening to every word you say more than you are saying them. $100,000+ purchases left and right because of the bombardment of charm he would release on anybody and everybody. None of them were safe.

He was an apex predator.

A wet dream walking.

In comparison to his 19 y.o. body… He often wondered if Ennis would notice or care…

Speeding on an endless road for these 14 hours up to this point, his nerves were at their height and had his body going through the motions. Fidgeting like he was hooked on some random number of drugs, fingers chaotically tapping the sun-beaten leather steering wheel, a cigarette constantly hanging out of his mouth by a shred of skin lit or not. He got so in his thoughts that he had to pull over to throw up once or twice. Brokedown on his hands and knees on the passenger side of his truck with nothing coming out but thick ropes of saliva. His mouth dry, and his throat sore after the fact. He’d never felt so anxious before.

While four years wasn't much time to drastically change his overall appearance, it's been enough to potentially disconnect a link between two people that had feelings for each other greater than anything else they knew of. Greater than the feelings between their respective parents, greater still than the feelings they had for their significant others. Whether they admitted it or not.

Jack's fear was that it wasn't going to be the same, that none of what he knew would be coming back to him.

All this time, and he hadn't heard a whisper on the wind from Ennis Del Mar, but Jack took a chance after finding a lead on his whereabouts and decided to throw his own whisper on a postcard and let it ride its way.

A week and a half later, he caught sight of the plain white postcard in a stack of junk mail on the counter. Laureen probably thought it was an advertisement and was ready to toss it. He'd probably thrown it away, too, if he wasn't paying attention to what mail came in like a vulture. Leave it to Ennis to rip a cardboard box up in a neat square and use it as a postcard.

One side had "You BET" scribbled in a manic fashion and then the pen of "Ennis Del Mar" with his address on the other. 

His heart went into a fit when he realized what he had picked up and started reading. He could hear Ennis' thick country drawl rumbling the brief response. He wasn't a man-made for full sentences, so Jack was a sucker for any amount of communication from him. A religious relief, he was still out there, and since he responded quickly enough, maybe he was going through the same struggles Jack was going through.

Too many a night had Jack woke up sweating with his hands deep in his boxers gripping his dick after dreaming he and Ennis were in the middle of some crowded street in some busy town fucking for an audience of speechless onlookers. Laureen figured it was just stress from work and her daddy causing him to have these constant “nightmares.” Little did she know her husband was waking her out of her sleep in "terror" at the exact moment he and his treasure of a man came together to the applause of hundreds of people surrounding them. He'd chuckle after the fact, not really understanding the dream, and get up to finish the job in a real-world bathroom a couple of feet from his bed and sleeping wife. She'd just as willingly take whatever he had to give, but he didn't want the dreams to be contaminated. 

A notepad he had tallied the dreams he could remember.

Things like this were brief escapes from the hurt he felt every single day since he last saw Ennis. He regretted it, with every thread of his soul, that he’d left without reminding him of their time together on Brokeback. One last passionate fuck in the bed of his truck under a deep sky or at least a kiss in the shadow of some nearby alley. It ravaged his mind. He felt crazy a lot of the time. Unable to allow himself to be sad about it, especially not anymore. 

But… All of that strife was brought to an end when Ennis responded. This little white square of cardboard was his savior. Additionally, it provided him with a subtle realization after he got over the initial wave of emotion, something so small but of the highest significance to him now that he's discovered it; Jack realized that this was the first time he'd ever seen Ennis’s handwriting. He’d lovingly stare at the penmanship in whatever privacy he could find for what felt like hours. So much accumulated time that he started to see Ennis in the lines and curves that formed each letter.

The postcard ended up being something he cherished deeply. 

Finally, the dusty flat plains turned into dusty flat plains with buildings sitting loosely on them. He rolled his window down to a blast of humid air. He could smell the rain coming. Still, the weather was pleasant, cloudy grey overcast, a subtle coolness on the constant wind, and that dusty scent wrapping it all up. It seemed fitting for a town that felt like it had slowed way down compared to the rest of the world. Almost colorless, barely anybody on the roads, lights off in many the buildings, but the city of Riverton was simple & cozy enough. A fine place to call home... is what he would, of course, tell Ennis... Jack being honest, he thinks he'd go crazy settling in Riverton… but would move and live here for eternity if it meant he could hold Ennis in his arms for an equal amount of time.

The town had a shop, a barber, some apartments, a bar, trucks, cars, people. Like a normal town… but this one had Ennis in it. It was all pretty surreal to think that he had been to that shop that barber maybe viewed them apartments, definitely went to that bar, may have a truck or a car, and maybe said a couple of words out loud to those scarce people. Thinking about it made Jack feel like so much time was wasted. All of this time, this is where he was at. 14 hours wasn't anything compared to 4 years. Jack could have been up here every weekend if he knew. 

He would have been up here every weekend... with a jacket made of fucking bells. 

There was no avoiding the desperation to see Ennis in the flesh. He wouldn't have to depend on memories almost too vague to remember to see him. To smell him. Aphrodite herself knew Jack craved his scent more than anything. His Pheromones... Knowing he had to be still producing them in loads. At this point wasting away in the atmosphere around him.

On Brokeback, Ennis would regularly clean himself from a bucket as best as he could, but once a week or so, he’d jump into a body of flowing water and really scrub himself down to the bone. He’d lather up so much he looked like a cloud that had floated out of the sky, curious with what happened in the ground, then run into the water to rinse off and come out naked and freezing cold but fresh as spring laundry. The soap they used was natural enough and had a slight scent of vanilla. Maybe the vanilla mixed in with his skin created such a warm and desirable aura. Many a time, Jack would catch him scurrying out of the water, and he’d be there with a towel ready to help dry him off; once or twice it would be a fire-warmed towel, and he’d take the chance to hold Ennis and take him in. Jack would bury his nose in Ennis’s neck, pressing his lips against his skin, and squeeze tight to fight the sound of chattering teeth.

Back then, he was so close to him.

Oh fuck... He was so close to him.

The building numbers started counting down. Jack slowed his speed to a crawl. His nerves picked back up and started to set in a way that overwhelmed him. He thought he was going to have to pull over again just a couple of moments away from his “lost & found-more than just a buddy's” humble abode, but he drove through it... past self-doubt and fear.

Still, he couldn’t help his mind going off on an irrational sprint of emotional sabotage.

What if Ennis didn't look, sound, or act the same?

What if Ennis was different in every way possible from what Jack remembers? 

What if Ennis' life was what he wanted it to be like, and all of this was just a formality between long-lost friends?

What if Ennis wasn't even Ennis anymore?

What if Jack traveled 14 hours just to leave Riverton with an empty heart and a head full of the same vague memories?

What if he left with lust gripping his heart that would never be quelled.

The "what ifs" forced him to go into a safety mode of sorts to find some kind of calmness. Smokes weren’t enough... but he took another cigarette anyway and scavenged an old memory he knew he remembered with no questions that could maybe give him a short puff of relief until he could steady himself and calm down.

**[Summer - 1963 - Brokeback Mountain - Early Afternoon]**

Jack hiked up the last "hill" of his small trek from the main camp to the middle waypoint between his and Ennis’s camp. He had a pack generously filled with a meal, snacks, and drink on his back.

They've been onsite at Brokeback for about 2 1/2 weeks. Jack had started breaking through the mile-thick ice that had hardened over Ennis, setting up a barrier between himself and anybody outside his own head. Jack felt like they were actually spending enjoyable time together here and there but couldn’t read if Ennis allowed any of it to matter to him. Jack wasn’t one for the need for acceptance from those around him. Normally people just gravitated to him, but with Ennis being his sole interaction with another human being, he cared a little more about what another person thought of him.

From a passing conversation they had during dinner the night before, Jack and Ennis thought it wouldn't hurt to share lunch at a midway point between the two camps. It was more so all Jack's conversation where he agreed to the "picnic" for himself and Ennis, but Ennis ended up contributing and pitched in by recommending a spot he constantly passed where they could meet up midway, give or take. Jack figured that since Ennis volunteered to spend his time with the flock predominantly, he'd return the kindness somehow.

Jack thought it was something to enjoy and less exhausting coming all the way back to main for every meal. So, he made a conscious effort to put some care into what he packed up. 2 new bottles of whisky, a jug of cooled water, a big bag of jerky, biscuits, a jar of honey, a can of beans, and a tin container of wild rice & wilderness stew. Jack had set the whiskey, jerky, biscuits, honey, & beans close to the fire for a while to get them warmed up as an added effort. Maybe it would be nice not to have to eat and drink frozen stones, bark, and bear piss after being out with the sheep all day, and instead, Ennis could eat and drink warm stones, bark, and bear piss. With all those things being just sustenance, Jack knew for sure that the stew and rice were a luxury Ennis had never known during their time together. When Ennis came back to camp lighter than planned after the incident with the bear, Jack had to brainstorm to see what he could make that wasn’t a struggle meal every time they ate until the next supply delivery.

He didn’t have to… but he wanted to.

As he came to the end of his ruck march,, he thought it wasn't so much a single hill but a series of hills leading up to a small mountain. Ennis failed to mention that the path was going to be so intense, so by the time Jack got to their meetup point, his coat was slung across the top of his pack, button-up opened from his neck to the right above his belt buckle, his undershirt damp, and sweat dripping off the tip of his nose.

Jack caught a glimpse of Ennis before Ennis caught a glimpse of Jack. He was leaning back on a fallen tree that sat a couple of feet from the drop off of the "hill," hands in his coat pockets, hat drooped over his squinting eyes, some kind of stalk of vegetation hanging out of the side of his mouth. He looked like a Marlboro ad. Rugged, silent, no care about anything attitude, get too close, and he'll make sure you never get that close again aura. 

But… Jack knew better. He knew the look of his friend didn’t equate to the inside of his friend.

(J) _"Hey! You know what... I was thinkin' that... you said this was gonna' be just a hill... More'n a hill I'd say Del Mar!"_

Jack fussed halfway out of breath.

Ennis watched Jack waddle over to the tree where he stood and set the pack down at the side of his feet.

(E) _"Sorry, figured it was a good description as much. You didn' horse it up here?"_

Jack wipes at his face with his sleeve drying as best as possible.

(J) _"Yeah… Well… Boy… I… Figured I'd have a lil' nature walk since I was told that it was just a lil’ tiny bitch of a hill I'd be travelin' up."_

They were the same age, but Ennis was older by a couple of months. He always got a chuckle out of Jack talking to him like he was the big brother out of the two of them. Ennis didn’t mind it. He’d become accustomed to Jack’s bratty way about himself. He recognized that anybody else that used the tone with him that Jack would use would have been knocked flat on their ass 10 times over with no hesitation.

Jack cleaned & tidied himself up, slumped down at Ennis' feet, placed a clean towel out in front of him, and started taking out the items he had packed.

(E) _"This ain't... too much? A lot of things fer just a lunch, you reckon? I'd've been fine chewin' on..."_

Was it too much? He was a little embarrassed. Jack didn't know how to reply,, but he found a way per usual.

(J) _"...chewin' on a stick you pulled off a tree, a handful a dirt, n' yer spit.That's what you was gonna’ say. I just thought it'd be nice to have a good meal out here fer once. Let you get filled up hearty like so you wasn' comin' down to camp for dinner ravenous eatin' everythin' in a giant gulp like the other night... When you got sick. I wouldn’ve come all the way up here to just gnaw a log with you boy... You sit there n' eat this good food I prepared n' shut yer fuckin' yap._

Jack smirked, looking up at Ennis.

(J) _"Don't look too much into it, Del Mar n' take what you want. You don't have ta' feel guilty 'bout eatin' a meal you rightfully deserve. You work hard. Shouldn’t have to eat just to get by all the time._

Ennis knew all too well what that was like.

(J) _“We got what we got till the next supply run sure… but that doesn’t mean that what we got is nothin’… n’ ain' nobody blamin’ you fer that bear that attacked ya.’ So… It'll be enough until then. Eat."_

(E) _"It ain' attack me..."_

Ennis huffed under his breath.

Jack continued to smirk.

Ennis stood above Jack, looking down at the top of his hat while his hands organized the items he'd taken out from his pack. He figured Jack was right and helped himself to a good selection of what was so kindly brought to him. He was thankful, especially for it being warmed up. Warm whiskey was a comfort he didn't know he needed.

(J) _"Made stew n' that big tin, eat as much as you'd like ta'... n' take the rest with you back to the woolies."_

Ennis WAS ravenous. He dug into the tin container headfirst. The rice was light and fluffy. The stew was thick and seasoned perfectly. For him to say he was no good a cook when they switched camps, Jack sure was proving that he was a horrible liar.

(J) _"Yer scratch looks like it's healin' up pretty good. No burnin'? Doesn't look puffed up or nothin'... keepin' it clean?"_

Jack points at Ennis' head with a long strip of Jerky.

(E) _"Yeah... it's been good. Keep it clean n' keep it covered. Vaseline keeps sweat from it n' the day like you said... helps with the itchin' too. Thanks, fer that."_

Jack nods his head and takes his own savage bite out of the jerky strip and a deep swig of the warmed whiskey. It was dangerously enjoyable—a way to get as drunk as humanly possible as fast as humanly possible. 

They sit in the silence of the wind through the trees for a moment.

Jack observes Ennis.

He doesn’t chew very much, one or two, and then a big swallow. Maybe he was just hungry. Doesn’t make a lot of unnecessary movement with his body. He disconnects from his body when he’s silent. His eyes squint, and he just trances out. He seems gentle enough but probably has a power in him that goes unmatched.

Jack was always up for a challenge. He breaks the silence.

(J) _"So, horseman... what's on yer mind? What's goin' on in that hard head a yers? Maybe you got a lil' knocked up with the bear… But'm sure you still got some thoughts left over rattlin' about. Yer up here ridin' back n' forth all day. Must have some runnin' through it to deal with the damn boredom."_

10 times over... on their ass.

Ennis was shoved into a pit of unfamiliarity. Small talk? He would have been fine sitting there looking out into the ravine, but Jack was pretty talkative since they first met, so he couldn’t expect the same out of him. Probably explode from sitting in the silence for too long. Ennis figured if he didn’t answer this series of comments, then jack would just figure something else to attack with verbally.

He tried to think of something to shoot the shit on.

Weather? Alma? Sheep? Sasquatch?

(E) _"Mmm... well... I guess I don't think about nothin' much worth talkin' about. Blank-minded a lotta' the time? Just sheep n’ horses. Mmm… But... there'd uh... be a full moon tonight. If I'memberin' the calendar right. I’m right sure if it… I think.”_

Jack was interested. 

(J) _"I’ll take yer word for it Del Mar. You seem like a man worthy of my trust. I bet that'd be somethin’ ta’ watch... I'll come back up here n' catch the show. It'd beat watchin' a campfire burn for the 50,000th time I know that at least. Don' think I've ever taken the time to watch one any other time... 'Specially from here n’ like this."_

He motioned to the vast expanse in front of him.

(E) _“Well… you enjoy yer viewin’.”_

Rest of the time, they sat without a word, smoking and drinking while observing the ravine. An empty bottle of whisky was message enough for Ennis to get back to the flock.

(E) _"Right good, Jack. Thanks..."_

_(J) “Hey… take this with ya’… you seem ta’ can do more with it than me.”_

_Jack pulls the 2 nd bottle of lukewarm whisky out of his pack and tosses it to Ennis. _

_(E) “oh, you holdin’ out on me?”_

He grumbled, raising the bottle, and was off.

Jack cleaned up the area. He noticed Ennis ate everything. Not a grain of rice left standing, nor a pool of stew left un-licked. 

It made Jack feel good. Special even.

He lit up another cigarette, daydreamed for a while before he finished packing up, and made his way back down the hills.

**[Summer - 1963 - Brokeback Mountain - Dusk]**

The sun sat on top of the trees in a blazing glow of neon red and orange. Jack prepped to head back up to the newly named “Midway Peak.” He gathered his pack, two wool blankets, a canteen full of boiling water, 2 more bottles of warmed whiskey, four cigarettes, and a kerosene lantern. He figured he would make a small moment of it. Kick his feet up and relax, pretend he was at the drive-in watching some new anticipated movie. It was all just a result of boredom and wanted some kind of break from the monotonous sunrise, sheep, piss, smoke, shit, sheep, drunk, sheep, sheep, sheep, sunset. A moonrise was right on the nose change of pace but an acceptable change in events for the time being.

This time he did end up taking his horse with him. 

The moon had just begun to crawl up from the horizon by the time Jack got up to the peak. He was thoroughly impressed at the view. How many people would spend their life savings to have a summer home here? None that he knew if, he thought, but it seemed like a million-dollar view if he'd never seen one before.

He set up his things in a quick series of events, lit the lantern, and sat it, the canteen, and his pack in front of the log; he spread one of the blankets across the ground beside them, made sure it was flattened out with no curling on the edges, and plopped down on top of it. He brought his knees up to his chest and covered himself up with the remaining wool blanket. He was content and warm, figuring it would last a good while with the canteen between his thighs.

His head had a soft heaviness to it. He could sleep but wasn’t tired enough to be forced to, a bit lethargic. He rested his left cheek on his arms that were folded on top of his knees and fell into a trance as he watched the cratered moon float up and away, seeing the sky open wide in front of him, crowded with stars. He felt like he could reach out and gra...

*SNAP*

Jack's muscles braced in shock and kicked him out of his lull. He turned off the lantern and peeked over the log into the darkness behind him. He reached for his 30.30…

Where the fuck was the weapon?! 

He grabbed and was ready to sling the canteen as hard as he could and fight whatever was about to break the tree line at him.

(E) _"It's me... Jack? You hear me? It's me... Ennis."_

Ennis cautiously shouted, tripping on a branch and creeping into the moonlight.

(J) _"Sonuvabitch! Ennis! Course it's you! I known it's you!"_

He didn't.

(J) _"Who n' the hell else would it be?! You, me, them sheep n' them coyotes up here runnin' round... but I didn't know you was comin' up HERE!" You ain't say not a damn thing 'bout you creepin' up HERE on tonight!."_

Jack was embarrassed for the second time that day. He was genuinely ruffled up and pissed he didn't have his weapon on him. It was still slung on his horse.

(J) _"Jesus Jumpin' Christ... Scared the full-on hell outta' me. I didn't know what I was bouta' get into... n' what the fuck was I 'bout to do with this... this... damn canteen?"_

(E) _"Mm right sorry."_

Ennis chuckled behind his lips, watching Jack flail the canteen around over his head.

(E) _"Tell the truth... I didn't think I'd be up here but figured what the hell ain' had much else to do. Meant to leave earlier, but them sheep was gettin' weird runnin' aroun' crazy n' whatnot."_

Ennis slowly shuffled his way around the fallen tree. He nursed his hands in his pockets and bit his bottom lip... He was genuinely sorry he startled Jack the way he did. Ennis knew how uncomfortable it could get hearing random noises out here. They didn’t have much to worry about, but it could still make you feel a type of way.

Jack was… distracted and wasn’t so much bothered. He was actually kind of glad Ennis chose to come out here.

(J) _"... yeah well... you're weird, Del Mar."_

Jack said under his breath, shifting his head back around and getting comfortable again. He motioned at Ennis to take a seat.

Ennis sat down on the tree, his hands deep in his coat pockets, leaned forward a bit, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out.

(J) _"you know you don't have to freeze up there when you could be warmer down here... Sit down, Ennis...there’s obviously enough room for you."_

Jack, without looking, grabbed a chunk of Ennis' coat and pulled him down onto the blanket next to him.

Ennis was hesitant but didn't refuse. His body was tired, he was exhausted, and the cold was nipping at him. He slumped down next to Jack and let himself melt against the log. Jack threw some of the blanket covering his knees over Ennis' lap.

Jack re-lit the lantern to a soft glow and propped it on the log above and between them. Just enough to see the bare basic form of the things around them. The moon did more work than the lantern.

(J) _"Well, I didn’t bring much for 2 people… but I got some hot water n' this canteen case yer cold... you could drink it or just hold it'n yer hands."_

(E) _"Very much appreciate hot water, but you know I'd rather have what else you got ta’ give me."_

Shoulder to shoulder.

_"...I'd rather have what else you got ta’ give me."_

That wording? 

Jack slowly turns to look over at Ennis, thinking he's just… looking at Ennis to chat him up...but the glow from the lantern changed the moment. He locked eyes with Ennis in a way that he never had before. The low flame reflected in Ennis' irises washed the dark brown out and left behind a glossy amber. Jack was caught up in how close they were and how deep Ennis' eyes seemed to go.

(E) _".................what?"_

Ennis asked, a stoic look on his face.

(J) _"Huh?! What? Other what else I got fer you? I… You don't know nothin' bout nothin'."_

Jack recovered the best he could hope it didn't make him look weird.

Ennis none the wiser…

(E) _"...............I 'spose you'd be right... But it's like this... you can keep yer lie... n' then you can lie in the dirt you don't gimme what I ask for."_

Jack realized what was being asked of him. He smiled with his eyes shifting back to the moonrise and handed over the bottle of warmed whiskey that was warming the top of his thighs and stomach.

What was that? He... shook it off as just Ennis not being an ugly guy.

Harmless observation on his part. 

Period. 

(J) _“you downed the other bottle, I’m sure… yer a damn alcoholic. You don’t settle down… them coyotes’ll end up distractin’ ya’ some way n’ walk out with 10 woolies a piece in their traps.”_

Ennis takes a long swig, savors a moment, and swallows.

(E) _“…they bring us the crates. I’ma’ drink what’s in’um. Simple as that. Coyotes better have a fear in’um if I’m not stumblin’ drunk. I shoot them dead between the eyes if I am… I shoot’um n’ any future of’um dead between the eyes if I ain’t.”_

(J) _“is that so…”_

_Jack chuckled._

They had a good time sitting there, entranced by how big this common heavenly body had gotten. Jack had seen full moons before,, but their elevation made it an entirely different experience. It lit the whole ravine up in the deepest blue glow. He could see everything for miles. Sheep being sheep in the far-off prairie, trees being trees in the lowered forest, cold being cold all around them. It was surreal. While he’d been in the area last Summer… this time was different. Jack and Ennis were similar in age and could relate more than the last partner Jack had… but… He felt a different energy from everything around him. It was almost overwhelming. Nostalgic.

He feels a nudge against his left shoulder and thought Ennis asked for more of something. Jack pans over to Ennis’s head, resting on his shoulder. He was halfway sunk into his jacket, his hat fell off to his side, and a light snore escaped his throat. Jack knew he was exhausted and probably wasn't getting much sleep being out there with the sheep in that poor excuse for a tent. Ennis would never admit it, though. He’d lie through his teeth and tell Jack it wasn’t bad and was probably the most comfortable he’d been in a long while. He wouldn’t admit it even if he'd woken up realizing that he knocked out on Jack's shoulder, deny it for fear of him looking like he couldn't handle whatever was thrown at him. Jack learned that about him quickly. He never wanted to look weak in front of anybody.

Jack sat there for some handful of extra minutes, not wanting to snatch his buddy out of his sleep. Eventually, he figured he'd seen enough of the moon for a night, and with it being as bright as it was, it was a better time than any for them to get back to their camps with no visibility issues.

Jack gently talks Ennis out of his slumber.

(J) _"Ennis... Ennis... Don't go passin' out here. I wouldn' know how to get yer big ass to yer camp if'in ya' did. Come on 'n get up."_

(E) _"HM?Yeah... yeah.."_

Ennis gently jolts awake, lifts his head off of Jack's shoulder, not realizing that's where he was resting. He wiped the small dribble of saliva from the corner of his mouth and slowly stood up like a thousand-year-old golem being shaken out of an even longer hibernation. Cracking sounds all through his knees and back. A little tipsy. A bit groggy. A lot still sore. His eyes still closed and head facing up to the sky yawning.

(J) _“you drunken bastard…”_

Jack stood up beside him, took the blanket he had on his knees and wrapped it around Ennis' broad shoulders, gathered his hat and placed it on his head, slipped the bottle of whisky in one of his coat's outer pockets, and the 4 unsmoked cigarettes in the highest breast pocket.

(J) _"You can probably use another blanket out there n' I put some smokes in yer top pocket so don't crush'um...Oh... shit… almost fergot."_

Jack went back into his pack and pulled out a stack of Ennis' clean clothes. Shirt, jeans, undershirt, socks, no underwear, and some strips of linen for his head, folded neatly and securely tied with wax string.

(J) _"yer clean clothes n' some new cloth fer yer head... I figured I was cleanin' my shit n' just did yers as well. I'm uh... can you carry… well... here... keep yer hands in yer jacket you ain' gotta' move nowhere. I'm gonna'... no funny business or nothin', but you mind if I?"_

Ennis isn't worried about what Jack is saying. 

Jack goes for Ennis' belt buckle and starts to undo its notches. He pulls the belt out of the first loop of his jeans and slides the bundle of clothing onto it, and buckles him back up, tugging and tightening as he goes along.

Ennis still isn't concerned.

(J) _"...jus’ wanna' make sure you didn' uh... drop'im somewhere when you barely make yer way back... but uh... yeah... so... You good En?"_

Out of pure care for his friend, especially after -he runsin with that bear earlier in the week, genuine concern for his well-being, and honestly... an inhibition-less gesture, Jack brings his hand up and onto Ennis’s bare neck. He grips and gently massages it, feeling a small shudder from Ennis.

(E) _"mm... I’m..."_

Jack ran his hands up the back of Ennis’s head, with his fingers slowly combing through his hair, fingernails gently scratching and stimulating his scalp, unknowingly feeding a craving Ennis had been struggling with as of late.

(E) _"Mm... Mmmhmm... I’ll end up make'n it back no worries... mmm... somehow alright. If I'm don't come back 'morrow morn' send them damn sheep out to get me."_

Ennis joked halfway to glory from Jack's hand gliding through his hair. Not bothered at all by the gentle touch that came from Jack, in fact very much welcoming it, Ennis let out a series of subtle grunts and moans, enjoying the contact of another person on him after so long. It felt good to feel the warmth of somebody's hands on his skin. If he was honest with himself... he’d no problem staying.

(J) _"well, I can’t do this job by myself… even if I took yer cut so… Don't go out there stoppin' nowhere now... go straight to yer tent. Send me a smoke signal soon as you get back."_

Jack smirked.

(E) _"mmm... thank you much, Jack *YAWN* Yer a good guy, I don't care what... them sheep say.."_

A gentle chuckle from the both of them.

Ennis mindlessly & subtly nuzzled into Jack's hand while he disconnected his touch. He was so tired and comforted. Maybe it was a mix of his all-day buzz and end-of-day exhaustion that made it feel so good. He didn't think anything of it, though—just a buddy-to-buddy gesture.

It seemed to them both that this was happening through the length of minutes but was, in fact, only happening in seconds. 

(J) _"well, I appreciate that… n’ fuck them sheep ... be careful n' see you sometime ta’morrow."_

Ennis slowly turned on his heels and walked off while Jack watched him disappear through the moon's glow and into the tree line.

He thoroughly cleaned up the area, gathered his pack, and went on his way back to the main camp. 

It was a good time to spend with somebody out here. Kind of like a social gathering but with no people. It was a little quiet with a bit less excitement, but it was good. He figured that their time up here didn't have to be spent just trotting on the same paths, moving the sheep around. He could make "plans" to do things and ask Ennis to tag along. Ennis was loosening his armor a bit. Slowly but surely, he was... Jack liked the thought of that and couldn’t help but settle around the thought of their contact. Was it that big a deal? Would it have been an issue if he did it to one of his buddies back home? No, just some bonding… in the woods… under a full moon… a little buzzed… after noticing how beautiful his eyes…

It was a strange string of thoughts Jack had. 

Dangerous. 

He was glad he did ... It was a moment that warmed him through his walk back to his tent. 

Jack didn't go through the thoughts alone. 

As Ennis was sloppily walking down the moonlit path, he juggled thoughts on why he felt so good in Jack's grip. He was too drunk to look any deeper into it other than it was just something that happened between friends. Ennis didn’t have many he could identify. He had ample opportunity to have at least one good one, but he never found anybody that could hold his attention long enough to cherish time spent with. Jack… was different. Didn’t try to be anybody that he wasn’t. He was funny. Had a compassion to him that Ennis appreciated. Ennis figured Jack’s life wasn’t the worst, but he had a gentleness to him that hinted at him knowing what the worst could mean. Weirdly enough… Ennis found that to be a good identifier for somebody worth putting time into.

They were also stuck on a mountain together… alone… for months.

It opened a whole slew of foreign thoughts for the both of them.

Jack started stealing glimpses of Ennis more and more often, taking any chance to shove or nudge.

Ennis wouldn’t sit so far away from Jack, and his smile wasn’t so rare.

**[1967 – Riverton, Wyoming - Early Evening]**

Jack pulled into a graveled parking lot, settled in front of a lit-up laundry mat, hopped out of his pickup, and lit up a cigarette he'd had balanced on his lip for the last 5 miles. The air was thick with the smell of warm laundry and fabric softener. From that point on… he’d always have Laureen buy the same kind. Always. He stood for a moment, not really knowing what to do, luckily he didn't have to put much effort into finding Ennis. A loud crack of wood on wood above him. Jack whipped his head up in the direction of the sound and saw Ennis smiling down onto him.

Jack knows God never intended on any single thing being so beautiful. So threatening to the rest of his creation. Made in his image or not, Ennis wasn’t comparable to man. He was beyond. Jack was falling again. It was more than what he could ever prepare for. A building sting in his eyes and his nerves trailing behind him, Jack couldn't help but reflect the same smile at his long-thought-lost buddy.

**  
[Continued]**


	2. DRAGGED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Optional Playlist:
> 
> These songs have the vibes of their respective chapter. Can be played on repeat and at a low volume while you read.
> 
> [YouTube Playlist Link]
> 
> https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqfoiLKYyGP1J-fhtbn7p6QVM8SFH4xb9
> 
> 1\. Pulled  
> (BOOTS FEAT. BEYONCÉ – DREAMS)
> 
> **2\. Dragged  
>  (THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS – DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE)**
> 
> 3\. Diner  
> (THE YOUNG RASCALS - GROOVIN’)
> 
> 4\. Warmth  
> (JANET JACKSON - ROPE BURN)
> 
> 5\. Gift  
> (JANET JACKSON - ANYTHING)

# 2\. DRAGGED

Ennis had spent the morning and early afternoon pacing the apartment, anxious and waiting for Jack to arrive in whatever fashion he had. By early evening he was cemented in his tattered recliner, swallowed deep by his feelings. Maybe he wouldn’t show. Jack had to be plenty busy with whatever life he had now. Ennis was nervous and felt like Alma could see it all over his face. When had he ever been so anxious around her? There’s no way she could know about Brokeback… about Jack… but he couldn’t help but know that she had to. Ever since he heard her mention his name unprompted, he was on alert. She only knew it from a postcard. Ennis couldn’t rationalize his anxiety about it, though. He felt like every question was part of an interrogation. He did his best to keep it in check and made an effort to separate the chapter from his story and hid it away deep in his thoughts.

Devil knows he never forgot, though.

Anytime he had his privacy, Alma and the girls most certainly far away, and for a long while, he’d remember. “Jacking Off” had a different meaning now than it ever had before. When he was alone, he’d savor it. Layout on his bed and take his time. Remembering the first time and the many times after it. How warm Jack was, the tightness, the way Jack craved it, moaned for it… he’d get to the point of cumming, and then he’d back off and go through it all again until he couldn’t hold back anymore. Screaming Jack’s name hoping he’d hear Ennis and come running back to him. For that reason, it was a rare occurrence. Remembering him was just as bad as missing him.

What did he have to worry about anymore, though? He’d see him, and he’d refill the memories. It would be a reset. Ennis would be happy to see his face again no matter what happened. Shake his hand. Hear his voice.

He drank the whole time waiting… and had a hard buzz going by the time he heard the mellow rattle of a vehicle pull into the lot in front of his place.

It was a roaring announcement echoing in his ears louder than anything else around him.

Jack stepped out of his truck with a cigarette balanced on his lip, shuffling around in the dust.

Like a haywire wrecking ball, Ennis crashed out of his apartment and stood by the banister looking down on him.

_"Jack-Fuckin-Twist!"_

3 steps down at a time. 

Into Jack's arms and Jack into Ennis'.

A deep embrace.

Ennis was locked into him. The intense energy of desperation, guilt, and clarity forming in his mind. It was overwhelming. He felt like he owed Jack the world.

Tighter.

The cruelty of time and fragile memories stacked upon him, and he couldn't balance it anymore. The loneliness burnt all of the inhibitions Ennis ever learned to have away, and he couldn't do anything but give into an instinct that only ever existed on that God-forsaken beautiful mountain.

Ennis was assured in Jack’s eyes and realized… Jack still craved it.

Ennis haphazardly looks around, at least making some effort at controlling the situation, and starts to push Jack back, Ennis' eyes locked onto Jack's and Jack's eyes rapidly switching between Ennis' right and left eyes trying to read him. Trying to figure out what's about to happen. Jack's back hits a surface, and Ennis hits Jack with all 4 years of that deep despondency.

Ennis’s tongue, like honey, flowed over every surface on the inside of Jack’s mouth. He wanted to taste every iteration of kiss they had missed for the past 4 years. Doing what he should have done the day they departed.

Jack had been taken off guard. Never even thought that Ennis would be the one to initiate it, but he had no want to deny him. It was almost too much to bear. He was already barely holding back tears and now he had to worry about keeping his hands from ripping Ennis a part while he kissed him this way.

Ennis stole himself from Jack's lips, quelling a lust that was quick to destroy him. 

_"Lil' Darlin'."_

Ennis whispered in pain.

He still considered Jack to be important in his life enough to give him such a title.

Jack grips Ennis' collar and throws him backward until they crash into another surface and takes back what he's owed.

Ennis hears something to his right but can’t bother figuring out what it was.

Jack tasted iron flowing around his mouth. He’d never kissed anybody in his fucking life like this. They were beasts. They were savage and could have easily started fist fighting. The testosterone and the heat. How would they stop?

By running out of breath.

Ennis pulls back and rests his forehead onto Jack’s. Jack is stealing pecks from Ennis. Trying to couple their mouths again. They roll across each other's faces, and Ennis can finally separate from him, looking around and having to yank his collar out of Jack’s grip.

Ennis takes him up the stairs getting himself put back together. Slicking his hair back down, straightening out his shirt. He didn’t think of it… the area around his mouth blushed… the same with Jack.

Alma would know now if she didn’t before after seeing them. She couldn’t make an excuse for it.

Ennis brought Jack to Alma & the girls’ presence, did those formalities the best he could and swiftly announced his leave.

She yelped for something as he was pounding down the stairs behind Jack. He answered "...in the pocket..." or something to that tone.

Alma wounded, afraid, and heartbroken over finding a man in her husband’s arms. A man in her children's father's arms. Where she should be, where they should be, she watched him and that man vanish into dust.

She was afraid he wouldn’t come back.

It was a freedom that Ennis longed for and not him just going through the motions of his life to get by. He had guilt... but there wasn't enough of it weighing him down to keep him from getting in this truck with Jack. God knows.

His place, in the rearview, getting smaller and smaller, Jack grips Ennis’s neck with a massage and shaking him.

They lock eyes and a silent acknowledgment between them.

They’re never going to give this up.

Jack had no fear in this…

Ennis had his thoughts, and he knew it as soon as he introduced Jack to Alma...

_"What's done been done."_


	3. DINER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack Twist & Ennis Del Mar last saw each other in 1963 after (almost) finishing a Summer on Brokeback Mountain as sheepherders.
> 
> They left each other with an immense weight on both of their shoulders and a lot of unspoken words.
> 
> Finally establishing contact in 1967, there are a couple moments during their reunion that should be told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Optional Playlist:
> 
> These songs have the vibes of their respective chapter. Can be played on repeat and at a low volume while you read.
> 
> [YouTube Playlist Link]
> 
> https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqfoiLKYyGP1J-fhtbn7p6QVM8SFH4xb9
> 
> 1\. Pulled  
> (BOOTS FEAT. BEYONCÉ – DREAMS)
> 
> 2\. Dragged  
> (THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS – DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE)
> 
> **3\. Diner  
>  (THE YOUNG RASCALS - GROOVIN’)**
> 
> 4\. Warmth  
> (JANET JACKSON - ROPE BURN)
> 
> 5\. Gift  
> (JANET JACKSON - ANYTHING)

# 3\. DINER

Ennis didn't know if he was hungry or not but knew that he had to make sure he addressed and made things clear. For his own ease of mind. Taking this small detour was a chance to make it happen. He wanted to see if he could get ahead of what was about to happen.

He knew he could only do so much, and even he could recognize how delicate this situation could be.

The diner was empty except for the waitress and cook. Jack walked into the farthest corner of the place to have some privacy.

(J) _"I’m about to nut through my zipper Ennis. You look so damn good, and I’m tryna’ keep it the fuck together but.”_

He stresses to Ennis taking off his vest and dropping it on the table next to them.

(E) _“Give me a moment… give this a moment. I just… This is more of a complication than maybe I…we realized?”_

(J) _“I can be honest and say yer right… I’m sure that I was in that truck comin’ up here ready to lose my mind nervous as shit tryna’ figure what I was gonna’ do... But goddamn you look good! N’ it just kinda’ seems laid out for us.”_

_Ennis blushes. Receiving compliments isn’t a part of his daily agenda. Maybe if he were more open to conversation, it would happen more often, but… It’s Ennis._

(J) _OK then… uuuuhhhh… well… What in the deep fuckin' hell has Ennis Del Mar been doing where he got a wife n' two kids?"_

Ennis leaned back in his chair, silently motioning to the waitress for coffee, and stared Jack down to the bone.

(E) _"Is what it is. I just been livin' life... best I can."_

Some waver in his voice.

(J) _"Life, huh?... Well, I figure that's what you can call it. I've been livin' life or rather the other way 'round. I can't figure nothin' out. I just been feelin' like I..."_

Jack didn't know if he wanted to be the first to recognize their situation. Knowing Ennis sure wasn't going to speak a damn wor...

(E) _"I'm not happy... Jack... alright. N' you gotta' know that... 'Bout the way we left each other... How I had left you. Not at fuckin' all. Now... I never forgot, but I confess, I never knew if we'd see each other again."_

(J) _"You… never thought that you'd see me again? So, yer dumber than I thought."_

A sly smirk curling on his face.

(E) _"After a long while, I had to get that way a thinkin' get on with what I got now. Seein' yer letter come was nothin' I ever expected."_

Jack gave his own glare to Ennis. His mood shifted. A wet lick of the right side of his mouth. This was more than what he could deal with. He got low to the table, looking past Ennis, and said in the calmest but direct way he could.

(J) _"Ennis... Now, hey… I know we got shit to talk about. I reckon' I know that better'n you. But... I'm here now n'... like I said, I’m tryin’ mighty hard to keep from givin’ your town a full view of my ass… So, if you don't drag me out of this goddamn shit diner by my goddamn hair n' take me somewhere ta' fuck me dead... I'm gonna' rip you apart right here n' right now n' they won't ever find yer bod..."_

That was clarity enough for Ennis.

Ennis jolted up and dropped a couple of coins on the table and rushed off out of the door with Jack tailing behind him, jumping on his back and making a scene.

(E) _"Sorry, ma'am. Coffee uh don' need it."_

Ennis blurted out before the door closed.

 _"I wasn't gettin' it anyway."_

Ennis heard the waitress shout before the wind overtook his ears.

They jumped into the truck and went off like high schoolers drunk on whatever they could get their hands on. Hollering, laughing, smiling, the whole spectrum of what it could feel like to be in the presence of somebody you've had on your mind for a lifetime.

Ennis had them drive a long way, way, way out of town to a motel called Siesta. 

The night was dark, and the road was barren.

Ennis couldn’t help but be deep in Jack’s neck the entire drive. Kissing and licking while trying hard not to suck and leave a mark.

Jack wasn’t dumb to his hesitation.

(J) _I honestly don’t give a fuck about it, Ennis; you take what belongs to you. We crash n’ die… we crash n’ die._

Ennis embraces the vampiric energy of it all and sucks Jack’s neck. His hand traveling between his legs.

The truck swerves.

(J) _“Goddamn En… you fuckin’ hungry?”_

(E) _“Mm…I’m gonna’ eat you alive.”_

They make it to the hotel, and they have to rip off each other. Jack’s neck is ravaged. Bruised like he just got done hanging but walked off afterward. What did he care though? He went off to the hotel office and left Ennis to gather their things.

He was anxious.

A savage horniness stripping him of what he knew to be himself. Ennis was 23-years young but felt like he was running into 50 every day the further and further he got away from them, separating after Brokeback. He was lost in that mindset, but this repaired a lot of that broken will. Running around town with Jack and catching the end of the night at this motel. He was ready.

Ennis got ahead of Jack and unbuckled his belt.


	4. WARMTH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Optional Playlist:
> 
> These songs have the vibes of their respective chapter. Can be played on repeat and at a low volume while you read.
> 
> [YouTube Playlist Link]
> 
> https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqfoiLKYyGP1J-fhtbn7p6QVM8SFH4xb9
> 
>   
> 1\. Pulled  
> (BOOTS FEAT. BEYONCÉ – DREAMS)
> 
> 2\. Dragged  
> (THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS – DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE)
> 
> 3\. Diner  
> (THE YOUNG RASCALS - GROOVIN’)
> 
> **4\. Warmth  
>  (JANET JACKSON - ROPE BURN)**
> 
> 5\. Gift  
> (JANET JACKSON - ANYTHING)

# 4\. WARMTH

The drive was swift but eventful.

Lust was volatile and had control over the stick more than Jack did.

The two men, no shortness of understanding what the other meant to them, had separate and silent realizations that this was going to start all over again.

Trauma would come for them.

It was inevitable.

There was no way to know when and how it would show itself.

It was a heavy thought but fleeting… they had… bigger things to worry about.

Jack jumped out of the truck as soon as it was in park, stealing a quick kiss from Ennis before he bolted to the tenet’s office.

Ennis left in a storm of excitement, lets loose, jerking his body every which way, howling out of his window.

Jack looks back toward the truck and sees Ennis going wild. He joins in bucking and riding an invisible bull spinning around until he’s out of sight around the corner of the building.

What did they know of this? They never made sense of the events that unfolded in front of them. Even when they were in the thick of it. Any moment shared between them was just chalked up to the mountain. Neither one of them took responsibility. The seriousness of what they had experienced never set in until they were lost to each other. So now it’s like they had another chance. How would they make it different?

Still, thoughts too heavy…

Quicker than he’d realized was possible, Ennis catches Jack’s 6’0-foot frame walk out of the shadow of the covered breezeway. Keys in hand. Devilish look on his face—an aura of sexual frustration about him.

……

Management of self-deprecation was outside of Ennis’s control.

It was surreal and almost cruel. He didn’t think he’d made the right choices for those that stayed in his life. He felt like his unhappiness came with the territory, but here he had a contender for the most important adult in his life. Returned. All of him. Nothing to slip his hand through.

If he reached for Jack…

Jack is who he’d touch.

He’d be happy to do so.

That was the concern.

(J) _"Ennis!"_

Jack barked.

Ennis shook out of his thoughts and looked up to Jack standing at the 3rd floor banister, his hands gently unbuttoning his dress shirt and motioning him to put some purpose in his step.

He did as he was told & started to walk away from the truck, which turned into a light jog, pants loose barely holding onto his hips kept him from sprinting, but he found the ability to bound his way up the stairs.

Jack had disappeared into the room behind a smile by the time Ennis got to the 3rd floor. His heartbeat was demonic in his chest, so he cracked the bottle top of the whiskey, took a deep swig, opened the door, and walked in.

Getting out of his jeans, Jack had lost a bit of his balance and twisted himself around. He had no underwear on, per usual, and had his backside facing Ennis as he walked in the door. 

Jack had truly no loss of beautiful in Ennis' eyes. All these years and his body were the same, his skin still cream & rose, everything just like he remembered it… except for… his ass. Ennis was a big fan of Jack's ass, and he recognized that if anything was different about him, it was all there. It had new heft and thickness. Ennis was on the verge of busting the zipper of his jeans because of it, so there wasn't a reason to keep them on anymore. 

He yanked them off, free of underwear as well, crashed into Jack's back, and immediately embraced him, wrapping his arms around his furry abdomen. Ennis buried his nose in Jack's thick curly hair, getting lightheaded from the familiarity of it all. It was soft and welcoming, with the scent still one of the sweetest things he'd ever experienced. Ennis rolled his face in it while he put hands all over Jack, overwhelmed by the moment.

Ennis' hands were cold as they could get and still worked as they ever were. 

Jack brought them up to his face, examining them.

(E) _"Mmm... sorry, Jack."_

 _…_ almost whispering…

His hands were covered in barely healed over blisters, cuts, and hard skin. These were the hands of a man that didn’t need gloves, that couldn't stop. Not even for a second...

It wasn't sweet to hear him speak so softly and apologetic over something that he didn't need to apologize for, and he didn't want to bring attention to something he had no worry about.

Jack placed Ennis' hands back on his abs and sunk into him. 

It was of great comfort for Jack to be in Ennis' arms like this again. Letting go of any sense of control and giving it all to Ennis.

(E) _“yer still as soft as I remember… I feel like I shouldn’t be able to hold you no way like this.”_

Jack turns around and puts his arms around Ennis’s neck.

(J) _“…don’t put me on no kinda’ pedestal. What the fuck have I ever done for you but give you some ass once in a while? I’m just as much of a fuck up as you are.”_

Jack’s signature smirk.

Ennis was dead serious.

(J) _“Ennis?”_

Ennis let go of Jack to get the rest of his clothes off while Jack walked over to his jacket, shifted through the breast pocket, pulling out a bright, almost bright, red tattered handkerchief. He folds it over into the best triangle shape it could hold and tied it around his neck. Jack was pleased with how he's never lost it and was excited to see how Ennis would react.

They face each other again.

(E) _"You still got that thing."_

Ennis grumbled, a look of romance covering his face. 

(E) _"My fav'rit when you went n' wore it."_

He walked back up to Jack and kissed him tenderly, motioned for him to jump up and wrap his legs around his waist.

They broke into their signature flurry of movement in every which direction. Ennis had pushed Jack into every corner of the room while pushing his tongue down his throat. Kissing was savage between them. Thirsty. Spit soaking their lips and rolling down their chins. Teeth cracking into each other. Resting Jack onto his feet, he brings his hands around Jack's neck, slightly over gripping out of pure ecstasy.

Jack let out a subtle moan... 

(J) _"More."_

…whispered into Ennis' mouth.

They found their way into the bathroom and had it steaming hot before Jack figured out how to get the shower down to an acceptable temperature. 

Jack had discovered on the mountain that there was some comfort in being fucked in cleanliness. The animalistic way they started was fine enough… but Jack wanted it to be deeper. Figuratively & literally. He wasn't sure if Ennis noticed or even cared, but it made Jack less self-conscious the more times they had gone around and had a session. He wanted to make the continued effort and not worry about anything other than his time with Ennis. 

Once they could enter the water without being scalded to death, Jack stepped under the shower stream letting his hair curl and fall over his eyes. 

Ennis, lost in the sight of being in a "normal" setting, was frozen in thought again.

Standing right outside of the shower staring at Jack. They had always been in the tent, or over a log, under a tree, on the ground. They've never done this in a brick-and-mortar building, let alone a shower with warm running water.

(J) _"Ennis, you OK?... come on..."_

Jack asks through the water cascading off of his lips.

Ennis takes a moment to perk up, acknowledging the stiffness in his demeanor, and steps into the shower with Jack.

(J) _"You OK? Wash my back... since you're there."_

Ennis grabbed and ripped open a bar of soap that sat on the shower bench and started to lather it up between his giant palms.

(J) _"Del Mar, I know you hear me… You gonna' say anythin'!?"_

A click.

Ennis sternly grabs Jack by the left shoulder with his left hand and pulls the soap back and forth across his back with the right. Jack rolls his head onto his back and closes his eyes, experiencing Ennis' grip and rough hands gliding over him.

Ennis starts to grumble into words that are on his mind.

(E) _"Hear me, Jack Twist. 4 years you been outta' my arms, right?"_

Ennis jerks Jack making sure he's the one paying attention.

(E) _"Right?"_

A deep moan slips past Jack's teeth.

(E) _"You been out of my head feel like forever... n' here we are n' a shower together. It's not the mountains no more."_

Ennis leaned into Jack's left ear with gritted teeth.

(E) _"We brought this back from Brokeback. This is real."_

Ennis slides his right hand with the soap down the small of Jack's back, undoing some kind of internal harness keeping him held up. He falls back, and Ennis, guided by his middle finger and the stream of suds, slides between Jack's ass. 

Jack can't just take it without expressing how good it feels. 

(J) _"I'm... EniEnnis."_

Ennis hears Jack stuttering while he rubs him in circles, teasing him for his impatience.

(E) _"This is more'n you comin' all the way up here jus' ta' get fucked, huh? I’m wanted to take this in as much as I can. You may have n’ idea of what this has been like… but you ain’ got no idea what it’s been like fer ME… I’ll give in to you n’ say you know me better'n anybody. Don't matter we ain' see each other in 4 years... So you have to know… I'm not here for a rush... But Hell Twist… if it’s all you come here fer’n, I’d gladly toss you clear cross this room n' fuck yer pretty lil’ brains out. Leave you n' the early light full of me. No other words ‘bout it."_

An exclamation for the end of his speech. Ennis slides his middle finger into Jack and starts to finger fuck him. 

(E) _"...that… what you want?"_

Jack shifts his weight to his left leg and lifts his right leg, resting his knee on the shower wall. With a tightened fist in his mouth, he whines.

(J) _"No... Ennis. Nothin' ain't been on my mind more n' being here w... with you."_

Jack takes a deep swallow of air caught in his throat.

Slowly pumping in and out of Jack with a gentle rhythm. Ennis feels like he's in this headspace of sex he's never known of. It's like nothing he'd given Alma. He tried to once... but she seemed to want to take his seed more than his passion. She wouldn't bask or give into it as Jack did. Not anymore.

(J) _"I'm sorry... fer not slowin’ down. I haven't had nobody like this n' it's more fee...feelin' than I can take. It's more’n I felt in the last 4 years. Us at your place... you shoved n' pushed me back?"_

A moan for Ennis breaks his cadence.

(J) _"I didn't know what was ‘bout to happen. Scared me dead. N' you kissed me... there was nothin' more on this Earth I'd wanted to do n' not stop... I've dreamed of this lastin’ all fuckin’ day n' night more'n I realize. I want it so bad, Ennis. I want it so fuckin’ bad."_

Jack begged.

Ennis slowly pulls out and yanks Jack back onto both feet, wrapping his left bicep fully across Jack's neck and gently constricts him.

(E) _"We're not about to fuckin' do this for the short game, are we Rodeo?"_

Ennis whispers.

(J) _"No."_

A simple reply to a straightforward question.

(E) _"You want this to last all day n' all night?"_

Ennis pounds into Jack.

(J) _"Please."_

He’s desperate.

Jack hasn't been so aroused in all of his life. His dick bobbing in front of him with Ennis' between his legs. 

Ennis whips Jack around and tenderly opens his mouth with his thumb. He's tongue first into Jack's mouth, kissing him with all the desire he could form.

(E) _"We tryn' for that fifth-time n’ a row huh?"_

Ennis says, a toothy smile forming under the stream of cooling water.


	5. GIFT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Optional Playlist:
> 
> These songs have the vibes of their respective chapter. Can be played on repeat and at a low volume while you read.
> 
> [YouTube Playlist Link]
> 
> https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqfoiLKYyGP1J-fhtbn7p6QVM8SFH4xb9
> 
> 1\. Pulled  
> (BOOTS FEAT. BEYONCÉ – DREAMS)
> 
> 2\. Dragged  
> (THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS – DEDICATED TO THE ONE I LOVE)
> 
> 3\. Diner  
> (THE YOUNG RASCALS - GROOVIN’)
> 
> 4\. Warmth  
> (JANET JACKSON - ROPE BURN)
> 
>  **5\. Gift**  
>  (JANET JACKSON - ANYTHING)

# 5\. GIFT

The rain had picked up considerably. Sleet turned into hail and bounced off the cracked concrete. Wind making ghostly tones through the gap underneath the hotel room door. All of it combined dampening any sounds Ennis or Jack would make through the late night and into the early morning.

They were lost in another cursed kiss shuffling out of the bathroom. Ennis fell onto the closest of the two queen beds in the room, waiting for Jack to follow.

Jack was slightly bothered by the double bed but knew better than to make it a single.

Since Ennis had fallen on the bed first, Jack seized the opportunity. His hand in the middle of Ennis’s chest held him down while Jack straddled him.

Slowly.

Jack had obtained this way about him. Sensual beyond his need to be. The way he touched Ennis was masterful. So simple and gentle but full of a wonderous poison. The mountains didn’t have much room for foreplay, so this was something that Ennis had the pleasure of experiencing.

With the years he put into his sport of choice, Jack was strong on top, and if he engaged it, there might have been no coming back. Riding Ennis was on the list but… not tonight. Jack gave him a taste, though.

(E) _"Like the Rodeo..."_

Ennis chuckled, thrusting his hips up into Jack, watching him balance himself any which way he was bucked.

Again, they only knew of themselves being this intimate with each other in the wilderness. It was gritty, dirty, and raw out there. That’s where they found the core of what they were doing. Ennis would come back to the main camp in the morning to Jack on his knees and waiting for Ennis. More often than not, mud-covered his skin in patches; he had to be freezing, and who knows how long he waited, but it was the energy around them that made it matter less than the feeling of them fucking each other in the wilderness.

It was ancient.

In this new setting, they were laying on top of linen, they were clean, hair washed, skin scrubbed of dirt, and they had all the room to spread out that they wanted.

It was like the first time all over again. They were just a little more experienced this time around.

To indeed make it just like the first time, Jack had something on his mind for a long while.

He wanted to ask Ennis about it, and hopefully, he'd respond well.

(J) _"We've been outta' that place for 4 years now. Been sayin' it all night. I figure you'd come accustom to some things since we been apart."_

Jack slowly backing up and off of Ennis.

(E) _"What're you goin' on about? Come back over here."_

Ennis begged.

He sits up, reaching for Jack. Jack snatches back.

(J) _"I figure you've been doin' things we ain't ever did, right?"_

Ennis wasn't following what Jack was coming to, his mind could only process so much at a time, and Jack’s body required every ounce of brainpower he had.

Jack could see it on his face. The squint is what gives it away every single time.

Jack pulled out an upholstered chair from a corner and a fresh towel from the linen closet. He brought the chair to the middle of the room, threw the towel over it, grabbed Ennis off of the bed, and sat him down.

Ennis dropped slowly and sunk in the chair like he would have sunk on a seat at camp. Legs spread wide and at an angle, with his lower back barely touching the chair. When he was fully dressed, it was a sight to make anybody red in the face... but naked was a spiritual awakening.

Jack walked a couple of steps away from him. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, lifting his right arm and rubbing his bottom lip back and forth. Pacing. 

(J) _"There was things I wanted to... give you when we was up there. I know maybe we was pushin' it with what we did do n' I didn't want to risk anythin'. I didn' have the balls ta' do it."_

Ennis tried to put 2 + 2 together but was only coming up with "truck."

(E) _"Jack, what in the honest fuck..."_

Jack walked up to Ennis, got on his knees, settled between his legs, rested his arms on Ennis' thighs, and gently dry stroked his pulsating dick.

(E) _"Oh... I'm... This is uuuhh…"_

A nervous & goofy tone to his voice.

Jack sensed it immediately and should have known better. 

(J) _"Ennis... you ain' ever had... a blow job?"_

Ennis curled his lips in, his brows scrunched downward, and his eyes on the wall passed Jack; he didn't want to look Jack in the face.

(E) “Alma try ta’ do it… once got as far to get the head in her mouth… but she choked n’ ‘plained it was too big fer her to do much with.”

It wasn’t just big in Alma’s eyes. Jack knew firsthand. Ennis walked around the way he did because he had damn good reason to.

(J) _"...ah... Well then... Del Mar..."_

Jack softly grabbed Ennis' chin to bring them back into eye contact.

(J) _"…figure you'll let me give this gift to ya."_

Ennis looked to Jack and understood what he meant. That Jack thought that he'd been running the gamut when it came to having sex after Brokeback.

That wasn't the case at all.

His sexual experiences have always been pretty limited. He grew up in a conservative manner implemented on himself and just didn't have much interest in it. He never made time for girls that jumped on him and wasn't able to finish school in a way that would have given him ample opportunity. He met Alma by chance, and he thought she was lovely and that marrying her was the right thing for him. Alma mirrored his sentiments and wasn't overtly sexual, which wasn't an issue to Ennis. Guys he worked with were always going on about how they got off with their old ladies and girlfriends, and Ennis wasn't focused on it to compare. He was gentle and tender with Alma as best as he could be when the feeling got a hold of them but had to admit that he craved it different coming back from Brokeback... trying to fill the void Jack left.

He tried it on Alma.

She didn't like it.

He hated that she didn't like it.

After the girls came along, Alma came to a conclusion for them both that if it wasn't an act to get her pregnant, it wasn't really a thing to do much of, and getting pregnant another time put a nervousness in her that made her close herself off.

Ennis hated it.

Jack had his eyes locked onto Ennis' still stroking him.

(E) _"You know how?"_

Ennis grumbled lowly with curiosity.

(J) _"I never sucked dick before Ennis but had'm done on me. Pleny' a times. It was just like…I start kissin' the girl, I'd do it fer awhile n’ then if she wanted to… They all wanted to…_

A smirk shared between the two.

(J) _“…she'd suck my dick… easy as that... I know how it feels and how I like it to be done. Now, actually, doin’ it? Hell… it’s just like a fudge pop in the summer. Keep it all in my mouth? Don’t let it drip? And my throat… I'm thinkin' I brush my teeth, right? Clean my tongue?"_

Jack stuck his tongue out and fake gagged. 

(J) _"Get back there pretty far. Really far, actually... I just figure if it's somethin' you wanna' do, it'll come easy enough... and I wanna' do it. BEEN wantin' to do it bein' honest... that too much?"_

Ennis placed his right hand onto Jack's cheek.

_(E) "No... not at all. I'm just..."_

Jack was eager. He heard the confusion Ennis was stuck on, but Jack knew it was special. Something Ennis never thought of getting or asking for. 

It was a quick motion. Jack grabbed Ennis' dick at the base and took as much in his mouth as possible.

_(E) "GODdamnitJack..."_

Deepness and scruff arriving in his booming voice, eyes shut and moaning as loud as he cared to, Ennis braced himself on the back of the chair.

The initial motion was to get it slick enough to pull in and out with ease. It's not some dick sucker’s intuition Jack had, but... it just seemed to make sense to him. He worked at it, though, and made himself familiar with Ennis on a new level. He noted the taste, the scent, the feeling of it on his tongue, the size. Jack had to get himself familiar with himself too. How far his mouth could stretch, how his jaw felt, keeping his teeth out of the way, using his hands in unison. He even used some things he'd felt them fast girls do to him. There was some gagging to it, not as much as he thought there would be, but he challenged himself to. He liked to hear it when he was getting it…

…maybe Ennis liked it too.

Ennis wasn't even able to pay attention to the specifics of what was going on. He was getting a blowjob for the first time in his damn life. It was kind of embarrassing... but Jack never made Ennis feel awkward about the things he didn't know. He yanked on him once in a while, but it was never malicious. A sheltered person like Ennis appreciated that. He was just lost in the way it felt. How good it felt. He connected Jack to the feeling and finally opened his eyes to watch him doing it.

_(E) "You're so good... how're you... this is... fuckin' crazy..."_

Jack was in a rhythm now, learning as he went and making efforts to be better in each twist of his neck. Ennis being verbal with him was helping. He was adapting to him. Dealing with him like an apex predator in his element. Jack didn't want this to be a one-time thing and immediately knew he wanted to do it every chance he got. All of the senses of pleasure were coming together for Jack and made this a job that he was willing to handle as a full-time employee. He needed to be employee of the month. 

He started laughing with Ennis in his mouth.

(E) _"Jack!"_

Ennis chuckled back.

(E) _"it's too much... Jack...oh Goddamn it's...so fuckin' much..."_

He used his tongue in his technique. Swishing it back and forth as he brought his head down. He focused on the muscles in his throat as they spread to take in more of Ennis’s dick, trying to control them. Tighten and loosen. Jack came to feel that gagging wasn't the same as gagging on a toothbrush; it was a lot smoother to swallow Ennis, and coming up for breath wasn't as hard to do without taking him out of his mouth.

A pro?

Jack would have been enthusiastic with the girl that had the skill he had. 

(E) _"...Oh fuck! Jack! It's too fuckin’ much. It feels so damn good, boy. You’re so fuckin’ beautiful. So fuckin’…OH! shit yer gonna’ make me…"_

Jack realized that there was a part of the job he forgot about and that Ennis would have something for him by the end.

Ennis was in complete auto-mode. Running on nothing but the goal of cumming. Specifically, cumming down Jack's throat. He placed his hands on either side of Jack's head. Gripping into his fluffy curls and just... face fucking him.

Jack had his dick in his hands, vigorously stroking to Ennis’s thrusts. He was in a panic, thinking he really couldn't get a breath in, Jack wasn’t in control of the actions anymore, but he relaxed and submitted. He was taking it like Ennis was dishing it out, taking the punishment. Letting Ennis use him as a way to get his frustrations out. He was relentless, and through it, all Jack never needed a break. It must have meant that Jack didn't have a gag reflex all of this time. Jack was on the bottom for a reason.

It ALL comes together for Jack; he and Ennis are about to cum together, Ennis is about to cum ALL down his throat.

(E) _"...I'm gonna' do it, Jack. You read... goD LET YOU BE FUCKIN’ READY… you READY?!"_

Asking Jack as if he could respond.

Jack looked up to Ennis with his sky-blue eyes; at the same moment, Ennis looked down at Jack with his deep brown eyes, and that's all Ennis needed.

(E) _"It's goin'! You gotta' be fuckin' kidding me! It's yers Jack! Fuck! IT’S GONNA’ BE ALL YERS. It's goin'..."_

The feeling of it being fucked into him, warming him up from the inside out, knowing it's spreading throughout his insides, and being taken in by his body is one intense thing to think about.

But...

Here Jack is, on his knees between Ennis' legs, Ennis' fully extended dick in his mouth to the hilt, pumping cum in loads down his newly popped throat. Jack's is apparently built for this as it's not pooling up in his mouth. Ennis is literally shooting his load down Jack's throat. Pump after pump. 

He cums onto Ennis’s shins. His moans were dampened by Ennis still deep in his throat.

Ennis looks down to Jack's eyes, bloodshot and pooling up with diamonds.

(E) _"Oh shit... Jack... ohshitohshitohshit."_

He whispered to Jack.

Ennis was jittering and more gently gripping the sides of Jack's head. It was a complete sensory overload. He collapsed back into the chair, heaving, and sweating. He loosened his grip on Jack's head, cradling it for a second before fully letting him go.

(E) _"Jack... I… how in the Goddamn… How the fuck you ain’ ever brought this up at Brokeback?"_

Ennis's breath is stressed.

Jack slowly pulls his head up, making sure not to make a mess on Ennis. Swallowed what was still in his mouth, ran his forearm across his lips, wiped the tears from his crimson eyes with his handkerchief, and stood up in a glow.

(J) _"Well... I reckon I did it right?"_ beaming.

Ennis couldn't say anything other than...

(E) _"Fuck you, Jack Twist."_

Smirking and about to get up.

Jack takes a chance.

He walks up to Ennis and bends over, going in for a kiss. 

Ennis has some hesitation from all of this, but he's in the thick of it with his mind wide open. Jack gave Ennis something immense tonight, and if Ennis weren't so damn stubborn, he'd have said what he needed to say while he was down on his knees for him. 

He couldn't say it.

So, Ennis leans into Jack.

_"…that was right nice lil' darlin'…"_

He gently opens Jack's mouth and pulls him in with a deep kiss. Jack is vicious in it, but Ennis grips the side of his face, gently squeezing, signaling him to slow down and relax. Ennis slowly rolls his tongue over Jack's, gripping his head while he pulls him in to sit on his lap, rubbing up and down his cheeks with his thumbs.

They stay that way for a long while, falling deeper and deeper into their kiss.

They get drunk and fuck deep into the night.

Jack and Ennis find themselves in a deep discussion deeper into their time together, laying on a bed while sharing a cigarette, on what this all truly means.

They struggle through the talk.

Jack learning more about Ennis... learning why he is the way he is mostly... and Ennis hearing what Jack wants. It's more than he can give to him. Jack wants it to be forever, but Ennis can only give Jack so much "forever." Through it, though, they find themselves still in each other’s arms and make plans not to separate just yet. To extend the moments, they're experiencing right now and find all of the value they can find.

...but there's never enough time... never enough...

**[END]**

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, 
> 
> As "my work" starts to slowly gain hits I want to address any ill structured sentences, paragraphs, or grammar, punctuation, etc.
> 
> I am highly self aware of the fact that there are probably many and I GREATLY apologize for that.
> 
> The structure helps me concentrate and individualize my train of thought in a way that helps me keep my ideas in order. It also reminds me of a poem. I find it makes the writings more romantic?
> 
> I just wanted to get my thoughts about this story out in any way possible and I did with understanding that I am lacking in trained skill. 
> 
> My school career was... interesting to say the least. I'll just say that in my Senior year of school alone I went to 3 different schools. So, maybe that explains a little bit of my struggle. 
> 
> Enough of my pity party. I don't mean to take myself too seriously. I appreciate you taking the time to read anything I've presented as well as your understanding. 
> 
> E.D.M. + J.T. <3


End file.
